Spiritual Disconnect

[aquamist]

I feel disconnected from the source. Where is the pink cloud?
I am going to meetings every day, reading the literature,
sponsoring someone, chairing a meeting, working the steps...
and yet...I feel disconnected from my H.P.

How do I re-connect? I'm somewhere between straight A.A. and
Paganism. I'm lost in that in between world.

I'm kind of into Asatru and Odin but I'm not sure if Odin loves me.
I'm kind of into Wicca but not rituals, magic or holidays and is there
really only a Goddess and God?

I don't know who my Higher Power is but straight A.A. and the God only thing
leaves me hungry for a more personal connection

Just letting you know where I am...any suggestions appreciated

[Tanus Greystar]

Aqua, the only thing I can say to possibly help you is a saying I learned in NA, "If you're actively looking, you're already there." What I think this means is that-I'll speak for myself-Is that it's not about finding the RIGHT HP or that you have to reach this pinnacle that's so far out of reach. It's right there. Whether it's something right inside you or within the people around you, or something in the sky, what ever one believes, all it takes is to know or believe that it is there. I usually FEEL connected to whatever it is when my mind is calm and I'm not really trying. I can tell when I am going WITH nature or against it. But that doesn't mean that if I don't feel calm that I'm doing something wrong or I'm not "doing it right." I find that I've grown the most when I go through periods of anxiety, confusion, and feeling like I'm not connected. I don't think we're meant to feel "serene" or grounded all the time. I do know that when I'm feeling "not connected" I feel like I'm a dry addict or even that I don't have a higher power. I think I'm probably complicating it even more, but it's just that I don't think you need to worry about calling hp the right name or have the correct concept or anything like that. I can go from an atheist to agnostic to pantheist within the same day and I think that's ok. I'm not a mindless robot (anymore, or as much). I find it easier to personify my hp as God/Goddess, Thor, Diana, Mutherf**ker,    whatever works for me at the time. Yep, I'm definitely complicating it so I will try to wrap it up. Don't worry, it's about the journey, not the destination. Thanks for letting me share.

[aquamist]

Thanks for sharing Tanus...I got a lot out of that!
I went to a really good meeting today and that helped.
I think I get a little isolated as I'm not working right now
and my head starts thinking too much. I guess it all can't
be tied up into a neat package...I wouldn't like that anyway!

[haley]

--Good words from Tanus!

There will always be times when 'the god has left the castle', so to speak. But those times aren't forever. As in any growing, living relationship, that with our higher power(s) will sometimes be great and sometimes leave us wanting more, sometimes content and sometimes frustrated. Only a dead relationship never changes.

When I first met my mom-in-law, I overheard her talking to 'georgie'--'Well, Georgie, where did you put my keys this time?' or 'Now, Georgie,that recipe was right here. what did you do with it?'  I didn't know if the house was haunted, or she was crazy, or what!  Turns out she just didn't want to be one of those 'crazy old ladies talking to themselves' so she talked to Goergie....I don't know where this is going, except we all go through lonely. empty times. Maybe we all need a Georgie in reserve for those times we're struggling! 

Hang in there,
Haley

[aquamist]

There will always be times when 'the god has left the castle', so to speak. But those times aren't forever. As in any growing, living relationship, that with our higher power(s) will sometimes be great and sometimes leave us wanting more, sometimes content and sometimes frustrated. Only a dead relationship never changes. 

Thankyou...that is so true and gives me such comfort!

And the 'Georgie story' is wonderful...Just talking things out makes it so much better.

[AbbyB]

>>> I'm kind of into Asatru and Odin but I'm not sure if Odin loves me. <<<

Have you spent time getting to know the other gods of the Norse pantheon? I have found Frigg to be especially helpful in matters of addiction and recovery.

[aquamist]

I have not tried to get to know the other Gods and Godesses in the Norse
Pantheon as much as Odin. But thanks for the suggestion...I think Frigg feels
very accessible and I will try and get to know her. Thank you for sharing!

[Tanus Greystar]

How would you get to know any particular god or goddess? And how would you know it is that god or goddess that you are talking to? Just wondering as I don't really have a specific god/goddess at this time, although I do call upon Thor sometimes. Right now I do talk to the Goddess, but I don't know if it's really her I'm talking to. I guess it's the Wiccan Goddess?

[aquamist]

I like that... the Wiccan Goddess. I have been talking and listening to Her as of late.
I saw her face in the wood panelling of the Al-anon table I sat at today. I found her
in the rain and heard her in the piano music I listened to while cleaning the house.
I noticed she was in the ocean of an oil painting I did and the God was next to her
in the clouds of a big sky. It's adjusting my awareness to include her...opening to her.

If I were to get to know Frigg, I would read up on her, meditate upon her and learn
what I could. I might journal and ask her questions...channelling.

Some things might just be in my head but it's different today....there is a knowing, a tingling,
I'm reconnected somehow. I don't know how it works!

[Freydis]

I haven't logged on in awhile. This thread was just what I needed. I call my HP 'Mother' or 'Goddess' but sometimes I long for a tradition to follow.  When I start to research, I end up obsessing (who, me?). I think it's kicking up old 'I want to belong' feelings. 

I'm rambling so will close now. I'm grateful for this site that is bringing me clarity.

BB
Freydis

[Peterwolfe]

Merry Meet Y'all,
I love this thread............Gods and Goddesses, my take- they love to hear from us, to be Honoured, even asked for help. When I feel a connection.......I know it, there are times it's not as clear- but if I wish to Honour- I do it.
I'll never forget one Full Moon ritual I shared with my partner..............Isis and infant, and Osiris...............Osiris's facial expression was SO happy.............he seemed so pleased to be Honoured.
As for the Norse ( I don't stick to one pantheon, and have even added the Christian Deities and Saints recently................"a good Witch is eclectic"- Silver Ravenwolfe) I have had wonderful experiences with Odin, Thor, Freya, and Loki.
It's all good, AND feeling a connection to HP's is AWESOME for recovery.
A suggestion.........if you're not feeling connected try a new approach...........someone elses prayer, one you wrote yourself, a different pantheon, etc.........
In recovery terminology...."try something different"
Thanks for letting me share.
Merry Part,
Peterwolfe
ps- Odin teaches Wisdom- he's loving and Wise, but not 'soft'. The mythology teaches that he hung from a tree to gain knowledge, he lost one eye...........learned the Runes. So, he might expect a little effort from us.

[mysticsavage]

I remember from a 24 hour meditation book I used to read, from the entry on either December 5th or December 16th (I forget which, but it was sometime in December):  Life is sometimes a march of duty during dull, dark days. ...But happiness will come again as [God's smile] of your faithfulness. 

I hung onto that sometimes.  I also loved all those "D" sounds together, because that's exactly how it felt sometimes for days and days on end.  And then suddenly there'd be this cool synchronicity experience or a whole bunch of things landing on my head to be grateful for and my perspective would change and--boom.  Pink cloud.  Somewhere between the dull dark days and the bubble of synchronicity is sober living I think.  But I trust it's on the synchronicity end of the spectrum.

Virginia