step 3 - March 2010

[Peterwolfe]

Merry Meet Y'all,
Step 3- " Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God AS WE UNDERSTAND HIM."
I recently read that we have the choice to join our wills with EGO, or with DIVINITY. In working step 3 we are choosing to align our wills with DIVINITY.
So, what this means for me;..................sometimes it's as simple as........do I steal something ( ego- I want) or do I pay for it ( divinity- doing the right thing)?
Do I pay my bills? Or spend money on something fun........on and on. For me it can be simple and practical; using common sense, counting to 10 when angry, etc.
The last thing that comes to mind is "The God Box"........I was taught in AA that if I have a problem I can't find a solution for ........I can write it on a slip of paper.......and put it in my "God Box" ( a box I use just for this purpose- it can be decorated, or not).......in an effort to 'turn it over' to DIVINITY. This has REALLY worked for me........when I do this and 'let it go'......a solution presents itself.......it could be a clear thought, or a solution that presents itself iin the form of advice from someone, something I receive in the mail, etc...
( by the way, turning over problems to Deity is an ancient practice- not exclusive to AA)
Merry Part,
Peterwolfe

[CytheDrumGuy]

So my take on step 3

Step 3 has almost nothing to do with turning over my will and my life. It has everything to do with DECIDEING to turn over my will and my life. At the point in time I am working step 3 I do not know how to "turn it over" but if I trust that the power I learned of in Step 2 can restore me to sanity, then I am in a place to decide to let that power help me.
If 3 frogs are sitting on a log and 2 decide to jump off how many frogs are left? 3 a decision doesn't mean they did it, it just means that they are now ready to jump. The 3rd step works the same way we decide to, we are ready to, now we can learn how. 
I can worry about the "how to turn it over" part as I work the rest of the steps. This in fact the purpose of the rest of the steps, to teach me how to "turn it over".

In my earlier days of recovery I was confused about this because as many addicts I thought I had to turn it over before I could move on to the next step. This held me back for some time before I learned from a sponsor to pay attention to what the steps ACTUALLY say.

This is how I have come to understand it and so far it has worked every time I have been through the steps.

[Indigokitty]

I have to agree with Cy.

Although I try to not make it a habit to dissect or over analyze things, it is important that we recognize that decisions and actions are two different ideas. Just because I've officially or unofficially 'worked' the step with or without a sponsor doesn't mean I'm finished with the step and will never have to address this step again, or ever have to 'work' again. It is an ongoing process that I have/will continue to perfect over my entire life.

For me in early recovery, one of the hardest parts about Step 3 is recognizing just what my HP's will for me was. After an entire life time of life run on self will, it is hard to realize just what is my HP's will for me? The best thing I did to begin to recognize what that is, was by taking and following through with other peoples suggestions in the rooms of recovery. I had to admit that what they were doing, following their own HP's will for them was working, out pretty good for them. What I was doing didn't work very well. Therefor, they were much better and experienced at recognizing it than I was, thus, helping me recognize it for myself.

One of the suggestions that worked for them was to proceed with the following steps. Sadly, this is as far as most people get in the steps. Time and again, I've seen people who stop at this step believing that it was sufficient enough to achieve true sobriety. I know people who have been dry for long periods of time who stopped at this point, but they are the most miserable people I know, perhaps more miserable than active drunks/alcoholics! I rarely if ever 'get anything' useful from them other than an example of what life is like if I don't take the action of aligning my will with that of my HP. Seeing that kind of life is a pretty big motivator for me, especially when I know how life is when I take the action of Step 3.

I believe that what I term faith is the inevitable result of taking this action. When I do this, I begin to trust that my HP's will is much better than my own and leads to a much more satisfying life. And as time goes on, I get better and better at recognizing what that will is on my own. It is also 'willing to do something different' and then doing something different.

Amazing things have happened in my life because of implementing this step in my life to the best of my ability. One of the most profound to me has to do with my own insecurities. I've achieved things in my life that I never would have believed possible, or even attempted to do had I not believed that taking action to do those things is/was my HP's will. One of the most profound for me is going back to school and I will relate that one here because I think it a good example of what I'm talking about.

I never believed I have what it took to get into 1) a prestigious university 2) to be accepted to one of the most difficult programs not only at the university, but in the entire nation for that matter. I didn't follow through with the action solely because it was something I wanted to. The biggest motivating factor is that I truly believe in my heart, felt in my gut that it was wanted FOR me by my HP.

Another thing is recognizing that just because I achieve success by following that will, it doesn't mean that I know what the eventual outcome will be of taking that action.

Again with the school example.............

Last semester, the department head advised me to leave the prestigious program do to long term complications I was having with my disorder. He didn't think I was or ever would be capable of completing the program.

I was totally devastated! But that doesn't mean that my acceptance into the program wasn't 'meant to be' so to speak. I changed majors and realize now that I'm getting so much more in the way of education than I could have ever gotten in my old major. Those things will help me tremendously in my career. I never would have learned about those things had I not gotten 'kicked out' of the old program.

I also have a huge advantage over other students in my new major because of all the things I learned in my old college. Those things will also give me an edge over other people in the industry who never studied/ learned what I did in the old program.

I may go on to graduate school to continue studying landscape architecture, but right now it's up in the air. I don't know yet if that is my HP's will yet. But I will say that in my new studies, I am learning what I can and can't do without an architects license. Some of those aren't important to me, some of them are. I may not know for a long time if graduate school is for me or not. It will be revealed as I continue with my studies and/or career.

My whole point is that I can only take the next right next (follow my HP's will) and not worry about the results. The results aren't my business. If I try to determine the results or try to force what I think they should be, I will only screw it up.

A phrase that I love,

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.

[pattimint]

I must say that this step "trips" me up all the time.  (I can analyze things into the ground too, so I'm sure that doesn't help here either.)

I've always had a hard time with the idea of turning over my WILL.  Who am I leaving the decision making to?  No one is responsible for my decisions except for me.  I know right from wrong and I don't need something I don't quite understand making up my mind for me.  Even when I was hiding my booze and lying to my loved ones I knew that what I was doing was wrong adding to my shame, guilt ect.....

See how my "lines" start getting fuzzy?  What I've come to understand as of the present (things are always open to change  ) is that when I am at a point in which my lines are fuzzing that if I am WILLING to hear others and suggestions that are given to me, that is when I am DECIDING to let my HPs of my understanding "talk" to me.  That is when I am most receptive.  Most often if I am willing is when something symbolic happens also and the answer presents itself.  I just have to be open and receptive.  Doesn't always happen, but stubbornness is a hard character trait to let go of........ working on it every day!

[Peterwolfe]

patti,
I REALLY like the statement.............." I just have to be open and receptive"...............could even be the meaning of life, in my opinion.
Well said, I'm going to 'applaud' that.
BB,
Peterwolfe

[Peterwolfe]

ps- your share also reminded me of H.O.W.
H.........honesty ( step 1)
O.........openess ( step 2)
W........willingness ( step 3)

[Indigokitty]

 Don't let semantics get in the way of your recovery.

Your giving your will to your HP's, not someone unknown to you. If you can't stomach the word 'Will', then think of it differently. All we are doing when we give up our own will and living that of our HP's is that we are acknowledging that the all knowing, or what ever you want to call it/them has a better idea than you do of what makes you happy. We are embracing what our HP's WANT FOR US when we align our will with theirs.

[aquamist]

When I do this step I say "I align my will with that of my highest self under
the direction and care of the Goddess and God." The word 'care' to me does
not mean 'giving up my will' TO a Higher Power but giving my will over to
the 'Care' of. Because the Goddess and God gave me 'free will' and being
human is making decisions to freely create this life.

I also believe that the Goddess and God speak through others in the program
as well as many different avenues. I just have to be aware of the message.

[Hawkland192]

Hi:

I was just searching thru all of the posts to find something on Step 3....I really appreciate what all of you have said.  This step has certainly tripped me up. I was wondering if any of you have done a step 3 ritual in addition to working it with a sponsor? I saw Lyons post from 2009 and it sounded amazing to take step 3 at a ritual. It's been a few months since I've posted as I had to "test" the waters again; and boy, did the water get deep. It came close to drowning me this time. I am very grateful to be back, clean and sober.

Mary Alice
(Amethyst)

[Lyon]

Glad you made it back.

[Hawkland192]

Believe me; I am too. It was very hard. The disease didn't want me to. I am so incredibly grateful. People think they can just "come back". It isnt as simple as that. I experienced 3 detoxes in 6 weeks.(Jan-March) I wanted sobriety but the disease wanted me out and running. I am grateful beyond words that I was one of the lucky ones to make it back.  Many dont make it back as we all know.